There wasn’t much to laugh about this week after the House of Representatives passed an anti-abortion bill on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade on Thursday. But Jessica Misener lightened the mood a bit with a genius thought and potential coping strategy: “Free idea: capri suns filled with wine.” Take note, Trader Joe’s.
Sarah Miller threw one out for all the proud childfree ladies when she tweeted, “That lady who thinks life without kids is meaningless has clearly never watched downton abbey alone in the bathtub.” Preach.
For more great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Kim Kardashian’s personal brand:
1) family first
2) sex is great
3) look fly 100% of the time
She is a perfect person + you all are NOTHING
— Jazmine Hughes (@jazzedloon) January 20, 2015
That lady who thinks life without kids is meaningless has clearly never watched downton abbey alone in the bathtub
— sarah miller (@sarahlovescali) January 20, 2015
So lazy I just Googled “should you sleep in bra” to see if it might be good for you. Looks like no effect either way so I’ll take it off now
— Caity Weaver (@caityweaver) January 20, 2015
free idea: capri suns filled with wine
— Jessica Misener (@jessmisener) January 20, 2015
1. Having drinks with a friend who insists ‘hasn’t killed people’ and ‘doesn’t call feminists cunts’ is too low a bar for who I will date.
— Elissa Shevinsky (@ElissaBeth) January 20, 2015
amazing discussion of “basic” vs Jane Austen’s “common” going on amongst English PhDs in my FB feed BE JEALOUS
— Anne Helen Petersen (@annehelen) January 20, 2015
i only go on ebay after i smoke pot that way i’m always the highest bidder thank you check please
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) January 22, 2015
you: *goes ham in the club*
me: *eats prosciutto at home*
— Alexis Wilkinson (@OhGodItsAlexis) January 22, 2015
sex can be pretty enjoyable, once the other person stops laughing
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) January 23, 2015
"Ask your doctor about how the Keystone Pipeline can help you."
— Anna Holmes (@AnnaHolmes) January 21, 2015
17 years later, still relevant to my feminism. pic.twitter.com/f472O7efl0
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) January 23, 2015
The only people I know who have a totally different concept of how big an inch is would be every hairdresser and also all guys
— Michelle Markowitz (@michmarkowitz) January 23, 2015
You can tell how old people are by the number of sounds they make as they sit down
— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) January 18, 2015
k fine I guess "happy birthday, legal abortion!" isn’t ironic in a good way.
— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) January 22, 2015
"I love being home. But I don’t like being left behind"– Beth in Little Women as she dies/me when I bail on dinner plans
— Lena Dunham (@lenadunham) January 21, 2015
Be a dear and pass me my shotgun, Sugar.
— Vodka n Tots (@Vodkantots) January 23, 2015
*Tries to blow breathalyzer*
breathalyzer: I have a girlfriend
— Amanda Hugnkiss (@caliluvgirl77) January 23, 2015
Sometimes when I’m eating a tub of ice cream and crying about being alone forever, I put on lipgloss because it makes me feel fancy.
— Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) January 23, 2015
"If you love something set it free"
[Takes dog’s leash off] Go on fella, you’re free now
[Throws a rock] GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE I LOVE YOU
— Brennadine (@brennadine) January 21, 2015
Fun drinking game: Have a drink, then put all of your feelings on the internet.
— moody monday (@mdob11) January 21, 2015
— Jess Ruzic (@ruzatar) January 21, 2015