The polls are in and it seems like everyone wants to date a surfer.
Surfers are summer love all year long, after all. They chase waves for hours and laugh like little kids. The ocean is their meditation and they revel in the tides. They’re a splendid balance of free-spirited, playful animals who are also fiercely determined to achieve their personal best.
But when you look past their sun-kissed tans, perfectly tousled hair and sea salty charm, are surfers really the perfect partner? It depends.
If you’re on the fence about turning that spontaneous surfer into your steady significant other, heed our warnings below.
Below, 15 reasons you should never date a surfer.
1. You will always come in second.
That’s because the ocean is where their heart is. It’s not that they don’t love you, it’s just that they love the rush of gliding up and down a wave and tasting its salty spray more. At the end of the day, there’s only one thing on their mind and, unless the surf forecast reads “poor conditions,” it’s probably not you.
2. Their idea of dressing up is wearing pants and (if you’re lucky) a collared shirt.
For surfers, there is no “business casual,” because they’re in the business of being casual. The less clothes, the better. If you end up with a surfer, you’ll spend way too much time explaining why they can’t wear jeans and slippers to a wedding.
3. Want a surf lesson? Prepare to be left behind.
Sure, the first time they took you out surfing might’ve been romantic, but every time after that they’ll disappear and leave you alone in the white wash. When you get mad, they’ll smile and shrug: “But the waves were so good!”
4. Eventually, you’ll become a surf widow or widower.
Friend: “Why didn’t [significant other’s name] come to [important event]?”
You: “The waves were head high with offshore winds.”
5. Don’t expect to spend quality time with them at the beach.
Think that dating a surfer will lead to sweet hours cuddling on the shore together? Wrong. Surfers don’t go to the beach to stay on the sand all day. Come sunset, you’ll be busy trying to figure out which one of those dark silhouettes in the lineup is them while it gets colder and darker by the minute. At least you can watch them do what they love, right?
6. Just don’t miss any of the waves they catch…
7. Their idea of a career will be a lot different than yours.
Surfers aren’t unfocused or irresponsible, they just have a different set of priorities and getting stoked is number one on that list. Career goals? Pretty much any job that will give them more time in the water, because they know that a good day of surfing is way more rewarding than overtime on a paycheck.
8. No matter how intelligent, deep or witty you know they really are, no one in your family will take them seriously.
They didn’t stay up all night with you two on the beach, as you watched the moon reflect off the waves and compared the changing tides to the fleeting human experience. All they see is:
9. If there haven’t been waves for more than a week, prepare to deal with a lot of irritation and surf anxiety.
They literally have no idea what to do with themselves when there are no waves. It’s almost cute. Almost.
10. They’ll dress and/or act like they’re 16 years old. Forever.
You’re only as old as you feel, and surfers always feel like they’re at the beach in the middle of summer break without a care in the world.
11. They won’t stop talking about: surfing, surf contests, how much they love/hate the WSL, how much they love/hate Kelly Slater, their last wave, their friend’s last wave.
You can only pretend to be interested for so long.
12. They’ll disappear for hours on end with no heads up.
When they finally answer the phone to your fury, they’ll smile and repeat: “But the waves were so good!”
13. If there’s a swell brewing hundreds of miles away, they’ll drop everything, grab their board, and head in that direction.
Unless you are well versed in global swell trackers and surf forecasts, it will be impossible to make plans 48-hours or more ahead of time.
14. You’ll never go out on a fancy date.
But you’ll forgive this one, because a surfer’s sense of romance can be way more adventurous.
15. You’ll always break your rule of never dating a surfer.
Despite all the annoying and frustrating things you’ll have to deal with, you know that they live spontaneous, fearless, humbling and fulfilling lives — and you know you could never date anyone who doesn’t possess the spirit of a life-long surfer.