The One Question That Captures The Bittersweet Reality Of Divorce

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It’s easy to dwell on everything you’ve lost after divorce. Gone are the dreams you shared with your spouse for the future. For many, gone, too, is the financial security of a two-person household.

But what about all you’ve gained — or eventually will gain — from this new lease on life? 

As a reminder that life can get better post-split, we asked HuffPost Divorce bloggers and readers on Facebook to answer a simple prompt: What’s one thing you lost in your divorce — and what’s one thing you gained? See their inspiring answers below then share your response in the comments. 

 1. “I lost financially in my divorce. But I gained emotionally. I got myself back: My self-confidence, self-respect and a fresh start.” — Jenny Kanevsky 

2. ”I lost a house, a family member and so-called friends. I gained self-love, clarity and the ability to be me without having to walk on eggshells.” — Kara Rachelle Pickering

3. “I lost my first love in my divorce. I gained the chance for a forever love.” — Laura Lifshitz

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5. “I lost family and friends who chose to judge rather than ask me why. I gained the benefit of knowing who truly supported and loved me unconditionally and the freedom to build my own version of a happy, healthy home for me and my kids.” — Tyler Wimberly Castleman

 6. “I lost a financially comfortable lifestyle but I gained strength and insight into who I really am.” — Glory Walling St. Laurent

7. “I lost the security of being a traditional family unit in my divorce. But I gained independence, self-esteem and happiness in an unexpected way.” — Jackie Pilossoph

8. “I lost my boat, my truck and my home. I gained my beautiful, strong daughter.” — Paul Can’tu

9. “I lost my place at the table in my divorce. But I gained my place in the world. It wasn’t until after I left, and was alone, on my own, that I stopped to think: Who am I? What was it I wanted to do with my life? What made me happy? That’s when life started over and realized I had dreams and ambition. I could make my mark.”  –Marie Forster

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11. “I lost the dream I had for the future, but I gained the realization of my purpose in life: helping people get the most out of their lives and careers. I know for certain, had I stayed married, my life now would be completely different.” — Honorée Corder

 12. ”I lost a lot of money but I gained my sanity.” — MaryAnn Lamb

13. “I lost my husband in my divorce. But I gained a friend, ally and co-parent.” — Pamela Smith

14. “I lost the constant condescension. I gained self-respect.” — Jenifer Lunde-Elder 

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16. “I lost my financial security. But I gained my independence and strength — and lo and behold, the financial security came back, only this time I’m also happy. Life is good.” — Jess Nelson

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Faith Nouri is licensed to practice law in both the U.S. and Canadian Federal Courts. Ms. Nouri is an attorney at law in California, and a Barrister & Solicitor in British Columbia, Canada.