Here is my description of being in dating hell:
You meet a guy and/or go out with him and you develop these wonderful feelings. The idea of him seems so promising! Maybe he took your phone number after a conversation at a local bar where sparks were flying everywhere. Or, perhaps your first date with him is one you’d inscribe in the book of your 5 best dates ever. But then…nothing. You check your phone 20 times a day. No call from him. No text. No email. He’s disappeared and you have no clue what went wrong. Could your judgment that it seemed so right have been that off? WTF???
Not hearing from a guy when you desperately want to is the worst. With emotions that run from anger, humiliation, confusion, hurt, sadness, frustration and hopelessness, his not calling can have you questioning every little thing from the jeans he saw you in to ordering too much food to asking yourself, “Was it something I said??”
But, have you ever thought that maybe you didn’t hear from him because of a factor that has nothing to do with you? I’m not saying it’s acceptable for a guy not to call and give an explanation of why he can’t/doesn’t want to see you again, but the reason you never hear from him might not be personal.
Here are 11 possible reasons he decided not to reach out:
1. He got back together with an ex-girlfriend.
2. He realized he isn’t ready to date right now.
3. He feels bad about himself/doesn’t like himself/doesn’t feel worthy of you.
4. He doesn’t think you are interested.
5. He’s not over his divorce or last relationship.
6. He lost your contact information. (Highly unlikely but possible).
7. He met someone else.
8. He’s a player, asks for phone numbers all the time and never calls anyone.
9. The timing was bad for him, he got really busy at work or started traveling for his job.
10. He’s got some baggage that is messing him up when it comes to dating and relationships.
11. He’s just not into you.
In #’s 1-10 I probably sound like your girlfriend who is trying to make you feel better by justifying the no callback with every excuse under the sun. But, the whole point of this article is to make you realize that if you don’t hear from him, you should never take it personally — even if it is.
A good attitude to have is “Who cares? It wasn’t meant to be and I’m glad I found out how he feels now instead of down the road with time and more feelings invested. It isn’t me, it isn’t him, it’s just not right. When it is right, the guy WILL call me back.”
Regarding #11, “He’s Just Not That Into You,” it is what it is. There was a whole book written and movie made about this statement, the main concepts with which I agree wholeheartedly.
Realize this. When it comes to dating, not every man is going to like you enough to call back. And, you aren’t going to like every man. That’s completely OK. Why would you be interested in someone who isn’t interested in you, anyhow? You wouldn’t be. So, pick yourself up off the ground, roll him off of you like lint with a lint roller and move on. The guy who you thought was amazing and sexy and sweet and perfect for you — the same guy you never heard from again — A. isn’t the only guy on earth B. Missed out big time. C. Made you available for Mr. Right.
Jackie Pilossoph is the author of her blog, Divorced Girl Smiling, and the comedic divorce novels, Divorced Girl Smiling and Free Gift With Purchase. She also writes feature stories, along with the weekly dating and relationships column, Love Essentially” for Chicago Tribune Media Group local publications. Pilossoph lives in Chicago. Oh, and she’s divorced.
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