16 Pieces Of Breakup Advice That Might Actually Make A Difference

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Not all breakup advice is created equal. Your friend may have the best of intentions but hearing, “you’ll get over it, just try to move on” right after your S.O. walked out the door is not exactly helpful. 

To help you get a handle on your heartbreak and make progress post-split, we asked HuffPost Divorce bloggers to share the most constructive, meaningful advice they’ve ever received after a breakup. See what they had to say below:   

1. “Stop looking at the end of a relationship as a failure. Leaving it behind can be a courageous choice — and an opportunity for you to be honest and authentic.” — Georgia Kolias 

2. “Set a timer: devote a solid 15 minutes a day to experiencing that rainbow of sadness, anger, grief and pity. Feel it all and then make a concerted effort to proceed with your day. Over time, the minutes you devote to mourning the relationship will dwindle and you’ll slowly begin to move on.” — Nicole Lavery

3.

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4. “Don’t play the insult game. You’re a good person, who doesn’t air their business on Facebook or feel compelled to sling insults over text. Self-respect and shutting your mouth will save your sanity.” — Lisa Schmidt

5. “It really is impossible to move forward if you’re always looking backward.” — Marie Forster

6. “Someone told me, ‘True control comes from doing nothing’ and it’s so true after a breakup: When your emotions are heightened and your body is full of adrenaline, you want to act out in various ways. You do whatever you can to try and get a handle on your emotions and gain control of the situation. But you’re making decisions with a total lack of clarity. Sometimes if you just sit with yourself in the discomfort and let it move through you instead of acting out, you start to feel empowered instead of powerless.” — Ellie Burrows

7.

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8. “It was tough love advice that someone gave me: They said, no breakup is about about the other person, it’s all about you. You made the decision to stay with a not-so-great person, you chose not to see the writing on the wall. The minute you own that, it empowers you to no longer play the victim.” — Janet Bertolus

9.  “The best advice I ever received and passed on was to always go to everything you’re invited to attend. You can always leave if it is too painful but always try.” — Lois Tarter

10. “Stop thinking about your ex  and create mental space so that when the right person comes along, you’re not preoccupied with the wrong person. If he just broke up with you, he was never the right one anyway.”  — ReeRee Rockette

11.

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12. “A life coach I once worked with said people wrongly assume that their only choice is to be with their partner or alone forever — thinking they have to choose between A or B. But that’s a fallacy — don’t forget about choices C (Charlie), D (David), E (Eric), F (Freddie)!”  — Kira Gould 

13. “The best advice I ever got regarding moving on after divorce was from my best friend who told me, ‘Time passes whether you’re living your life or not. Even the decision to do nothing is a decision. In five years, the decisions you’ve made should have moved you forward. You don’t want to be sitting here five years from now complaining that you haven’t accomplished anything since the divorce.'” — Michela Hendrickson

14.

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15. “The best advice I’ve ever received about moving on from a breakup came from reading American mythologist Joseph Campbell. He said, ‘We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.’ This really resonated with me because before my breakup I envisioned my life continuing to unfold in a certain way. I had a lot of trouble accepting that my old vision wasn’t going to happen. But I finally realized that if I didn’t let go of my old vision, I wouldn’t be able to create a new one.” — Shari Lifland

16. “Get some perspective and take an outside look at the relationship and the breakup itself. Accept some fault, but stop rehashing what went wrong or what you could’ve done to be better. It’s over. It didn’t work. Now you need to date yourself for a couple of months and invest in that relationship. Figure out who you are without a relationship.” — Lisa Schmidt

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Faith Nouri is licensed to practice law in both the U.S. and Canadian Federal Courts. Ms. Nouri is an attorney at law in California, and a Barrister & Solicitor in British Columbia, Canada.

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