9 Super Awkward Things About Sex After 50

| 0

We all know that sex doesn’t stop at age 50. For proof, look no further than the high rates of sexually transmitted disease that plague the 50+ population. But things do change a bit in the bedroom.

1. You may decide that beach sex is not worth it.

The urban dictionary defines “having sand in your vagina” as someone who complains about the little things or is unduly irritated by something. We would like to set the record straight: Real sand in your real vagina is a real thing and is way more than a little irritating. Nobody wants to have it, or the vaginal infection that invariably follows.

 2. It could take longer to get the ball rolling, so to speak.

Some older men experience erectile dysfunction and have a harder time getting and sustaining an erection. Some older women take longer to get aroused. The end result is that sometimes, you both may fall asleep trying. 

3. You only think that sending your kids off to college will make the living room rug a clothing-optional location.

4. The dog believes her job is to sleep between you and if you were being honest, sometimes you’re not totally unhappy about it.

5. Women in the throes of hot flashes do not want anyone to touch them — anywhere.

6. While “Modern Family’s” Claire and Phil Dunphy can pretend they are strangers who meet in a hotel bar and get a room, one of you is bound to laugh and the other one is likely to fret over the cost of a hotel tryst.

But you can certainly endorse the poor man’s version where you arrive in separate cars in a bar and sit across the room making goo-goo eyes until one of you sends over a drink.

7. Leakage happens.

My oh my, the things we don’t talk about! Urinary incontinence during sexual intercourse is a common, but rarely volunteered, problem. A British study found that 24 percent of women experience it. In about two-thirds of the cases, the leakage occurs when the penis penetrates the vagina. One-third of the time, the leakage occurs only at orgasm. The likely cause is an irritable bladder or a weakness at the neck of the bladder. See your doctor; there’s a pill for that.

 8. The kitchen counter was never comfortable but now you are old enough to say it.

 

But sharing a bath? That’s another story, one with a happy ending even if one partner needs to be persuaded.

9. If someone mentions Plato’s Retreat, you have a senior moment.

Right along with swinger parties, there are some things best left in the past.

Also on Huff/Post:

— This feed and its contents are the property of The Huffington Post, and use is subject to our terms. It may be used for personal consumption, but may not be distributed on a website.