Snap Out of It! 3 Women Not to Turn Into After a Relationship Breakup

Yes, a breakup changes you.

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I’m hoping that it’s turning me into someone better. (We’ll see.) But stress has a strange effect on people. Some people become stronger and better after going through a breakup.

Others? They become one of these women.

Here are the three women that I so don’t want to be after my divorce.

The Man Hater.

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Right after I separated from my husband, I went to a neighborhood get together, and there SHE was in the kitchen. The Man Hater, hunched over a huge glass of wine, and spewing her “wisdom” about men. She heard that I’d just recently separated and she was on me like white on rice.

According to The Man Hater: all men are a-holes. All men cheat. All men are liars.

When you see this woman in the grocery store you hide behind a package of Toaster Struedel and pray to God she doesn’t see you. Anger like that should not be in the grocery aisle.

Sure I’m divorced and all but I like men, no I LOVE men. I’m totally pro-men. I kinda adore the males of our species. They’re handsome, interesting to watch, fun to cuddle with, can have awesome biceps and grow hair in places we can’t.

Fastest route to a life alone? Become a bitter man hater.


Princess Dark Cloud.

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You know her. She has the crappiest life ever and she’s ready to fight you to claim that prize.

(Hey, we’ve all got our shit to shovel, but somehow hers is always the worst.)

Her divorce may be over but she wears the turmoil of it like a big Girl Scout badge. She drinks her downer juice every morning to fuel up for a big day of ruining everyone else’s upbeat mood.

If you are in a good mood, she’ll change that in no time.

She randomly shares sunshine-y info like:

“Did you know LA will slide into the ocean during the next big earthquake?”

“You hair looks thin, the radiation from your cellphone must be causing your hair to fall out.”

“My sister was your age when she died.”

She likes to hang out in the kitchen at work and wait for her next victim who comes in to refill their coffee.

Oh, and she’s the one who’s always sharing upbeat quotes on Facebook!

The Garage Sale Girl

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You see her and think, Oh My God, you used to be so cute, what happened? Her breakup is what happened. It chewed her up and spit her out.

She’s not even trying anymore. She dressed like a garage sale on parade.

She’s wearing that sweatshirt again from her kids 6th grade science fair.

She’s rocking drugstore reading glasses held together with a paper clip.

Her footwear selection? An old pair of Keds she uses for gardening.

And her hair? A mass of gray roots poinking up everywhere.

(P.S. If you ever see me in a stained sweatshirt with gray roots, please grab a box of Nice ‘N Easy 9G Natural Light Golden Blonde, hold me down and apply. I must not be in my right mind.)

Now if that’s the look she’s going for, more power to her. But this isn’t who she wants to be. This is just what happened along the way to totally giving up on herself and life.

I know these women really well because I’ve been all these women during the course of my five (count ’em!) years of divorce.

But I’ll be damned if I’ll let my breakup turn me into one of them permanently.

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