A Warning For Anyone Looking Up Their Lost Loves On Facebook

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With Facebook at our fingertips, curiosity can sometimes get the best of us — providing the opportunity to check up on former flames. But if you value your current relationship at all, one psychologist says, don’t even go there. 

In a video for The Washington Post, psychologist Nancy Kalish, who has authored books on lost loves and rekindled romances, sat down to discuss the dangers of reconnecting with an ex-lover online. 

She says most problems actually start not with bad intentions, but with a simple hello. “Half of the people who are doing this are in happy marriages … these are accidental romances. It’s sad, because after the ‘Hi. How are you?’ it’s ‘Remember when…’ and it gets very emotional and it can turn into an affair,” Kalish says. 

Kalish says this is especially dangerous for people whose young relationships ended due to external forces, rather than internal dispute. These cases would include couples forced to break up by disapproving parents or by one person heading off to serve in the Army. 

Indeed, studies have shown that around one in five adults use Facebook to flirt. Evidence from social media has even been used in divorce proceedings. 

The best advice? “Don’t go there” if you’re in a relationship, Kalish says. ”The feelings will come back.”

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