#1. Let go of the Attraction Factor as the main indicator of a good guy.
I’ve had women share with me that they knew within five minutes whether or not the man they just met was “the one.”
Hear me when I say this…
There is NO WAY you know this about a man within five minutes!
What you do know is whether or not you have a hormonal connection that we call chemistry. Chemistry feels good and that’s why we use it as the number one factor for identifying the right one. Both men and women put way too much value on chemistry and just because you’re initially attracted to someone doesn’t mean they’re a good partner for you.
The funny thing about attraction is it can build over time. I remember meeting a man and going out with him on four dates before I felt an attraction to him. Let me share what I mean… This man and I had gone on three dates. I just wasn’t feeling it.
For our fourth date, I had tried to break the date but he was persistent in a nice way so I agreed to see him. During our lunch together, he reached across the table and touched my face. Something inside of me clicked and all of a sudden I was wildly attracted to him.
We had a nice relationship for a couple of years and we are still friends to this day. Had I knocked him out of the running on our first, second or even third date I would missed a lot of fun times with a good quality man who cared a great deal for me.
See if you can start opening your mind to the possibilities of a good man that goes beyond his looks and the feelings of hormonal connection.
#2. Look for a man who wants to make it all about you.
Every couple of weeks I go to lunch with my friend Ron. Years ago, we dated a couple of times but we found that we were better friends than we would’ve been as boyfriend and girlfriend. Ron has taught me a lot about men and has always told me that the most important quality to look for is a man who wants to make it all about you.
What does that mean? He really wants to make you happy and will do everything in his power to put that smile on your face. In looking for this quality in a man, one of the things I discovered was women quickly criticized men for not doing things the right way, which by the way, is often times the way we as women would do it.
When you do this to a man, you are literally cutting him off at the knees, making him feel like he can never do anything to please you and this is when men stop trying to make you happy.
Learn to receive from men even when it’s not quite the way you expected. My friend Ron sometimes rolls his eyes when he thinks of all the times he’s made an effort and women haven’t appreciated him for doing it. Be sure to always thank a man and appreciate him for trying to make you happy.
#3. Choose a man based on values versus activities you share.
Part of figuring out the right man for you comes from designing a Quality Man Template. It’s something every one of my clients creates with me to be able to identify a good man for them.
In the Quality Man Template, I ask my clients to list qualities and values they want in a man. Qualities are things like bike riding or enjoying fine dining. The issue with qualities is someone can wine and dine you, and yet treat you horribly. And you don’t want that.
It’s why values are so important to identify. Honesty, integrity, monogamy, and loyalty are examples of values.
Values are what hold a relationship together…they are the glue. I can almost guarantee that values that are important to you were missing from past relationships and that’s why it didn’t work out.
Take the time to make a list of at least 10 values that a man must have to date you. And honor these when you are looking for men. I’ve given you a few things to think about here. Let me know your thoughts below.
Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on over 50’s dating. She’s the best-selling author of The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 and her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. To get your FREE Report, “5 Little Known Secrets To Find A Quality Man,” visit www.findaqualityman.com.
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