Thinking of separating and divorcing? Have you thought about hiring a Divorce Coach? You might have already tried relationship coaching and decided that it’s time to move on. But do you know all the steps that you need to take? Can you rely on your family and friends to give you balanced, supportive advice? Just because they have been through divorce, doesn’t mean that they are the best people to support you right now.
So, what is Divorce Coaching and what does a Divorce Coach actually do?
You’ve probably heard of Business Coaching, Career Coaching and Life Coaching right? Before you yawn and think big hair and blindingly white teeth; before you think ‘Oh no not another crazy one minute wonder’, Divorce Coaching is a well-established profession. If you’ve never been divorced before, you’ve probably never heard of it. And why would you? But here’s the thing. A Divorce Coach can support you to make great emotional and financial decisions at a time when you aren’t feeling your best.
Before you think that Divorce Coaching is for people who are ‘weak’ or ‘can’t cope’, let me set the record straight. Divorce Coaching is not like that. Divorce Coaching is not counseling. Counseling is very much focused on the past looking at what went wrong, why it went wrong, how it made you feel and why. So what is coaching? Coaching is a way of supporting learners to achieve specific or personal goals. It’s very future, and solution focused. This is very useful for many people, particularly when you’re getting divorced.
A Divorce Coach is not your best friend or your lawyer
A Divorce Coach is there to support you throughout your divorce from helping you decide on whether a divorce is what you really want; to how go about it and how to get through it. A Divorce Coach will explain what your options are, and support you through emotionally. A Divorce Coach will not give you legal advice, even if, like me, they are legally trained. That’s not the purpose of a Coach. A Divorce Coach is there to help you decide for yourself what you want. If you need legal advice, you go to your lawyer.
Divorce Coaching is designed to help you stay in control of the decisions you need to make. We can discuss the legal advice you receive and we can discuss and future pace your options. Future pacing your options means looking at the benefits and consequences of the options available and see how might work out for you in the future. Your Divorce Coach does not sit in judgement and is not there to make those decisions for you however difficult you may find those decisions. What your Divorce Coach will do however, is support you to make the best decisions that you can for yourself, with the information that you have.
A Divorce Coach is not an alternative for psychotherapy
The end of a relationship can be very tough, even if it was your idea or you at least agree that your relationship should come to an end. It’s very common to feel lost and alone and this time and you may struggle with depression or anxiety. If you need the support of your GP at this time, you must seek it. Whilst some Divorce Coaches may be trained in counseling skills like me, Divorce Coaching is not counseling and it is not a substitute for therapeutic intervention. If you are being supported with medication or using talking therapies prescribed by your GP, a Divorce Coach may also be very useful to support you with the practicalities and day to day emotional support that is required. A Divorce Coach is employed specifically to help you manage your divorce.
A Divorce Coach will help you get clear and support you unconditionally
Not only will a Divorce Coach help you get clear about your options and what you want, they help you look at your values and what’s important to you. They help you decide the things that you need to achieve both emotionally and financially in order to be secure and happy, post divorce. They help you get organized both practically and emotionally. Because they are independent, they are not emotionally involved which means that they act only to support you in your best interests. There are no ‘hidden agendas’.
So, there you have it. Now you know what a Divorce Coach is and what they can do for you. Divorce Coaching is a smart choice during difficult times.
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