8 Enticing Ways To Feel Sexy (And Have More Sex) After A Split

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Just because your relationship ended doesn’t mean you don’t have sexual needs.

Below, sex therapists and other sexperts offer up eight ways to reconnect with your body again after a split, whether it’s solo or with a partner. 


1. Sign up for a dance class.

Grab those stretchy yoga pants and get your booty to the nearest dance class — even better if it happens to be pole dancing, said Tammy Nelson, a sex therapist and author of Getting the Sex You Want.

“Sensual pole dance creates strength and fluidity and builds confidence in a way that sweating in spin class wont do for you,” she said. ”Get sexy in front of a mirror, put on heels and learn to appreciate how hot you can be and build your arm muscles at the same time.” 


2. Treat yourself to some toys. 

You may have a vibrator tucked away in a drawer, but chances are it’s an old, outdated model. Give Ol’ Faithful a break and sub in a shiny, new replacement, said Ian Kerner, a sex therapist and New York Times bestselling author.

“We’re living through the golden age of sex toys. Today’s vibrators look like they came straight out of the Apple lab: sleek, innovative, beautiful and powerful,” he said. “My personal favorite pick for women is Lelo’s Ora, which is a clitoral stimulator that replicates the experience of cunnilingus — can you say viva la vulva?”

Think of your toy as an investment, Kerner said. “And if a gentleman caller (or a lady caller) comes around, show them how to make like Obi-Wan Kenobi with your trusty lightsaber — sex toys are fun for both solo and partnered sex.”  


3.  Masturbate every day.

Touching yourself daily is the most important step of all, said Nelson. (She artfully puts it this way: Imagine you’re earning a degree in your clitoris and go for it.)

“Do it in many different ways as you can imagine: Read books on multiple orgasms, learn about expanded orgasms and experiment with female ejaculation,” she said. “Learn what your body can do. Be amazed with what your own female parts can accomplish. I bet you didn’t know how many times you could climax in one night? Or how long you could draw it out over an hour? Learn how to expand your sexuality until you are an expert in your own pleasure.”


4. Explore different types of porn and erotica. 

You may have prioritized your partner’s needs over your own in your relationship. To reconnect with what turns you on, look into different types of erotica and porn (there’s plenty of female-friendly porn out there these days), said Danielle Harel, a sex therapist and co-author of Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion. 

“This will give you insight into what you want to feel during sex, whether that be desired, taken over, worshipped or used and it will give you insight into how your partners can take you there,” she said. 


5. Flirt — and do so often. 

The biggest perk of your new-found freedom? Getting to experience the rush of excitement that comes with flirting with whoever you damn please. (Oh, hey there, formerly off-limits hot, single dude at work.) 

“Whether or not sex is a part of the equation, even sexy flirtation or making out with different people can make you feel sexy, alive and back in touch with your single self,” psychologist and dating coach Samantha Rodman told The Huffington Post.


6. Toss out all your old lingerie. 

Say goodbye to the lingerie you bought during the relationship — yes, even the pricey good stuff. 

“It’s all symbols of the woman you were in your past,” Nelson said. “Go out and buy really expensive, grown-up and gorgeous lingerie. Buy the stuff that feels amazing on your skin.”

Wondering why you should buy pricey, fancy-lady undies when you have no one to show it off to? That’s not the point of your purchase, Nelson said. 

“You aren’t buying it for a partner. You’re buying it because you are remembering what it feels to be powerful, sexual and beautiful even when no one is watching,” she said. “This is not about the showing off, it’s about the growing up.”


7. Don’t shy away from casual hookups. 

After years of being in a relationship, casual, no-strings-attached sex may be just what you need, said Kerner. 

“You’ve been around the block: you can compartmentalize between sex and emotion. Let your heart take a backseat to your orgasm,” he advised. “Dating apps like Tinder aren’t just for the 20-something set. More and more older people are using them and there are also new apps like Stitch that specialize in mature folks.”

Even if you don’t meet for an in-person date, it’s still fun. “These apps are like candy you couldn’t enjoy when you were in a monogamous relationship,” Kerner said. 


8. Speak up about your turn-ons. 

There’s a good chance that you fell into a bit of a sexual rut toward the end of your last relationship. Your new goal in the bedroom now should be to communicate what you want from your partners loud and clear, said Celeste Hirschman, a sex therapist and co-author of Making Love Real: The Intelligent Couple’s Guide to Lasting Intimacy and Passion

“Tell the person early and often so that you don’t get resentful and critical,” she said. “Most of the time, people will be very open to hearing how you feel and what you need, especially when you do it in a loving as opposed to a critical way. Don’t sit back and wait for someone to figure it out.”

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