The impulse to jump into a relationship (or something resembling one –ahem, Tinder rebound) is strong after a divorce or big breakup.
But choosing to stay single and actively working on yourself as you move past the pain is well worth the effort. With that in mind, we’ve gathered up nine quotes from HuffPost bloggers on why remaining single while you heal may be one of the smartest decisions you’ll ever make.
1. “The old saying goes, ‘Nothing helps get over the old quite like the new.’ Be that as it may, this is a bad idea for so many reasons. Most notably, you’re not much good for someone else if you’re already an emotional liability yourself. And let’s face it, many divorcées are exactly that. I know I was for a time. So when you’re down and out, you need some time to heal. Time to sort things through and begin the process of making yourself whole again.” — Austin Blood
3. “The longer you stay single, the more picky you’re likely to be when you finally do date again. Think of it this way: If you decide to go on a juice cleanse for a week, you’re not going to go to McDonald’s on your first day of eating, are you? No, because that would make you feel gross. You’re going to very carefully select a first meal that is nutritious, satisfying and enjoyable. You’ll probably make a big deal about the meal, in fact — it will feel kind of like a ritual. The same goes for dating: the longer you stay single, the more likely you are to choose wisely when you do start dating again.” — Em & Lo
4. ”When I first told people I was getting a divorce, I felt mortified when they offered up, ‘Don’t worry — you’ll meet someone.’ I felt like the reject on a game show who was just assured, ‘You didn’t win, but here’s some Minute Rice instead.’ But now when people tell me that, I just smile and say, ‘Thank you, but I’m OK.’ Meeting someone — getting married — isn’t the be-all and end-all of life. There are many great things that can happen to a person. Like finally loving your own company. That’s pretty darn great.” — Laura Lifshitz
6. “Very few people know how to be alone and do it well. They aren’t happy to be alone. They fear it and seek love wherever they go. Growing up, most of us probably weren’t given good examples of how to be alone. Everything we see in the media promotes how to find the right partner and make it work. But being alone can propel us to grow and learn about ourselves.” — Terry Gaspard
7. “In your desire to connect with someone again, to feel that spark again, you’re not giving yourself the necessary time and space to figure out just exactly what went wrong in your last relationship, and why … When you don’t take the time to properly process your last relationship, you’re effectively packing up all of those problems, scars, and soft spots, and carrying them straight into your next one.” — Kasey Ferris
9. ”I’ve learned that another person’s love will never make up for not loving myself. So every day, I practice loving me. Spoiler alert: practice works. Loving myself has turned into confidence, joy and a deep sense of fulfillment that I wouldn’t have thought was possible for a twice-divorced 29 year old. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be joyful, given my past — like I haven’t earned it. But feeling that I should accept what I ‘deserve’ is a major reason why I ended up here. So I defiantly choose joy. To hell be damned the rest.” — Ashley Lawson
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