An Open Letter to Cheryl Fernandez-Versini on Divorce

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Dear Cheryl,

I don’t know you so forgive the intrusion into your life.

I’m writing because I woke up this morning to find the tabloid press commenting on your divorce from your husband.

It frustrates me that with all the situations going on in the world right now, the press feel it’s important to comment on your personal life.

I haven’t read the articles because its none of my business. So I don’t know the detail and I don’t need to know. None of us do.

I just thought I’d share with you and the thousands of women in your position my thoughts on how to handle yourself through this process.

Remember that it’s your divorce

Your girlfriends, family and even the press will want to have their say. That’s human nature but remember, it was your marriage and it’ll be your divorce. Even if you’ve been divorced before, it won’t be exactly the same because it’s a different relationship. Take advice from those who you really trust, but follow your own heart. It’s up to you what decisions you make. Trust that you will make the right decisions for you, even if those around you, including the media, disagree. What they don’t know for sure they will make up anyway. Remember that. Do it your own way and in your own time.

Be clear about what’s important to you

Getting clear about what’s important to you is crucial. It helps you stay focused and it helps you decide which battles really are worth the fight and which to let go of. Write those things down and if you can, share them with someone so they can remind you of them when you get lost in the emotion and the drama. Your values are the things that you stand for whether you are a married woman or not. You need them now more than ever. Being clear is not the same as being hard, it’s just being clear. When you know what you want and need, it’s easier to communicate it to your husband and any lawyers involved. It’s a smart move.

Recognise that there will be compromise

Separation and divorce are painful. There is often anger resentment and hurt. That can make compromise challenging. But here’s the thing. If you dig your heels in and refuse to compromise, it’ll all drag on far longer and cost you a lot more money. Should you be a pushover? Absolutely not! But knowing your boundaries, whilst being flexible will help you move forward both physically and mentally.

Know that this too shall pass

Divorce is just a process. You know this. You know that it won’t last forever. You know that one day it’ll all be over in time, you’ll be open to exploring relationships again. Remember, divorce doesn’t define you, it’s who you are and what you do that does.

Best Wishes

Emma

The Divorce Alchemist – Divorce Coaching Ladies Who Leave

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